This month Valentine’s Day was celebrated, like any other year. If you are madly in love, this day would have been a very special day to celebrate with your partner. You might have put lots of thought into it – the perfect card or gift, flowers, a sumptuous candle-lit dinner and romantic music in the background.
But not everyone will be celebrating the love. It could be a day reminding you what you no longer have, the hurt you feel or the betrayal by another. Mending a broken heart is never easy; it’s much safer to keep it closed than feel the pain. There is no quick way to stop your heart
from hurting so much. When those you love deeply reject you, leave you, or die, your heart will be broken. You’ll be angry, sad & untrusting. I know it sucks to feel that pain, but you can find happiness again if you are willing to give it a try.
After the initial shock of a loss you might feel the need to push aside your anger & grief least it overwhelm you with its intensity. This is understandable, but the longer you avoid your pain and attempt to push it away, the more difficult it will be to break out of the cycle. It will never go away…..you can never run away from your life.
But how do we get beyond the pain & open our hearts again? Rumi a 13th-century Sufi mystic says, “When your heart breaks (open), journey deep inside.”
Here are some things I have learnt along the way:
- Walk through the “fire’
Surrender to the pain. Here’s the simple fact: You have to grieve in order to move on. Go through it, not around it. No shortcut is without its share of obstructions. We rationalize this is not happening, anything but to feel this deep, aching wound of hurt and sorrow. So often when our heart is breaking we want someone, anyone, to tell us what to do, or where to go, or how to instantly heal. By going through the intense pain, you’ll eventually heal & surface a stronger person ready to tackle problems head on.
- List your Strengths
When your heart is broken, it’s easy to feel that you are to blame and that you are worthless. These feelings contribute to you feeling bad about yourself; we are our own worst critics. So it would help if you could remind yourself of just how great you are. Be gentle with yourself. Taking responsibility for the role you played in the relationship is one thing but beating yourself up every day does not help. A little slef forgiveness goes a long way, oyu do not have to keep paying for your mistake forever.
Each day write down one thing that is great about you and what you have to offer the world.
- Talk things through and deal with your Anger when it rises
Now is the time you need your confidants to listen while you go over and over what has happened. As you talk things out, the worst of your feelings will gradually lose their hold on you. Allow yourself to express your anger, you are hurt. It is okay to release it; it is part of the process of forgiving someone for the hurt that they have caused you. But be gentle with yourself, it takes time to heal. Don’t rush it, be with it, get clear about what went wrong and what role you played. We are in relationships to get something out of it, whether we might be consciously aware of it or not. See what the ‘payoff’ was for you. For example, did it mean you did not have to take responsibility for anything, thus staying in a place of victim energy, or were you too controlling, as you were afraid they might leave?
- Trust in Hope
There is one emotion that is stronger than fear, and that is forgiveness. But forgiveness requires hope: believing that a better place exists, that the aching emptiness experienced in your every activity won’t be with you forever, that one day feel alive again. Hope is believing that the sadness can evaporate. Therefore in order to forgive and to move past the fear of opening your heart again, you need to find hope and trust that the sun will shine again in your life.
Once our hearts are bruised and burned from a relationship that ended, we have two options: we can close off pieces of our heart so that one day no one will be able to get inside. Or we can love again. Deeply, just as intensely as we did before. The key is to take the time to mend it as the key to Happiness is an Open Heart.
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If you are looking to make a change this year but not sure where to start or clear on what it looks like I have a few openings in my business for taking on new clients. If you are committed to making this year your year and ready to invest the time and resources in yourself there is no better time to start. Contact me at [email protected] or book your complimentary call.